I had a dream a few nights ago that I was on the latest college cycle of “America’s Next Top Model,” which is hilarious in so many ways, the least of which is that it means I’m still watching “America’s Next Top Model” with its new group of bobo judges (NO MISS J?!). Anyway, I got in trouble with Tyra because I called Victoria (pictured above, straight KILLING IT at modeling) a cunt because she said some dumb insulting shit that she didn’t realize was dumb and insulting, because she was home-schooled and super-sheltered and attends Liberty University, but then I explained the whole sitch to Ty and she was like “oh, girl, I TOTALLY GET IT, something something HARVARD.” And then just last night on the show, the Harvard girl was like, “something something HARVARD, something Kelly Cutrone is a cunt,” right before she dropped out of the competition (at least I think that’s what she said—it was bleeped and whatnot—judging from the length of caption-blur on the screen and the other girls’ reactions). That was COINCIDENCE NUMBER ONE. COINCIDENCE NUMBER TWO: Victoria, Previously-Mentioned Dream Cunt (similar to a Manic Pixie Dream Girl, except slightly less mentally challenged) is from Colquitt, a tiny town in Southwest Georgia that I had no idea existed until just last weekend, when we traveled straight through it en route to and from the beach (they have one of the nicest Dollar Generals I’ve ever seen!).
I have no idea what these coincidences mean, but here’s what I can gather: I need to A) quit drinking so much wine, B) quit watching ANTM or C) quit drinking so much wine while watching ANTM.